Written by Christio Wijnhard, Project Coordinator for the LINKAGES Project at Foundation He+HIV, Suriname
Even though Clarence suspected that he might HIV-positive, the 24-year-old was shocked when he first learned his status. “I cried and I cried. I wanted to commit suicide. I thought it was the end for me.”
When Clarence first accepted his sexuality, he just began experimenting and never thought about practicing safe sex. But he lived in a small village where news traveled fast. When people started talking about two of his former sexual partners being HIV-positive, he realized the risks involved.
The young Surinamese man met a health navigator working for Foundation He+Hiv (FHH), a LINKAGES implementing partner. They had met before on social media, but the health navigator invited him for a one-on-one conversation at FHH. The health navigator then determined that Clarence had been risky in his behavior and advised HIV testing. “At first I was reluctant to go for an HIV test. But, after thinking about it, I agreed.” Clarence’s health navigator motivated him to not be afraid and pointed out the importance of knowing his status for sure. Finally, on November 7, 2016, the health navigator accompanied him to a health care facility.
The outcome was devastating at first. “I have two dogs, Bruce and Chulo, and I could see their chain in front of me because that was what I wanted to use to kill myself.” Clarence was embraced by his health navigator, who shared with him some surprising information that changed the way he would view his HIV-positive status.
“He told me he was also infected with the virus. At first I would not believe it because he was a normal-looking man on the outside.” Looking back, Clarence can honestly say that this moment changed his life. “Hearing and seeing someone that was also infected, but looked very healthy, took away the feeling of being alone and lonely. It took away my fear of dying.”
When the time came to start medication, Clarence had some difficulties. The side effects were too much to handle, and he even stopped taking his medication because of them. His health navigator and the specialist at the Academic Hospital had serious talks with him. The doctor even told him bluntly: “If you don’t take your medication, you will die. Is that what you want?” Finally, the health navigator decided to bring Clarence for a talk with the project coordinator.
The project coordinator asked Clarence about his dreams and his goals. Clarence shared that he was worried about his cousin. “She is my favorite cousin. I love her very much but she is risky in her behavior, like I was.” Then, they started talking about the possibility of her being HIV-positive as well. When the project coordinator asked Clarence what he would do if his cousin was infected and did not take her medicine, Clarence replied, “I would tell her not to be stupid and take her medication of course!”
Clarence paused for a moment, before saying, “Okay, I get it!”
Today, Clarence is still working on accepting his status. Twice a month he attends MSM support group sessions, which focus on self-empowerment. He meets up once every few weeks with his health navigator. He also uses the psychosocial care services at FHH, and he joined the group for the annual retreat of key population members who are living with HIV.
“I feel super fantastic! Because of the coaching, I was able to define what I liked. I am very interested in photography and I would like to take dance classes, and I might pursue a career as a male model someday.” Clarence also told his health navigator that he no longer wanted to be accompanied by him when he needs to visit the health care facility. “I feel empowered enough to visit health care facilities on my own.” Clarence also started writing about his feelings in a dairy.
“I feel great, really. And I want to work on improving myself because I want to be a good example for other people dealing with acceptance of their HIV status. I want them to know that it is not easy but if I can make these changes and be happy and work towards a good life living with HIV, so can they! I want to be their inspiration.”